Friday OzTREKK Funny

Think studying arts and humanities is a joke? Why bother majoring in English or journalism (or paying attention in high school English class)?

Arts and Humanities
Contraction calamity?

Well, it turns out that a solid foundation in the basics of grammar is helpful for all professions. Doctors’ notes need to make sense, right?

Check out this hilarious list of misplaced and dangling modifiers and a host of other grammatical nonsense. Enjoy!
  • Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
  • When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
  • Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
  • The patient has no past history of suicides.
  • By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
  • The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
  • Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
  • The patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
  • The patient refused an autopsy.
  • She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
  • Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
  • The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
  • Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
  • The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
  • She is numb from her toes down.
  • Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
  • While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
  • The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
  • Patient was alert and unresponsive.

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